Carol Burnett, Gone with the Wind

Part two!

Carol Burnett, Gone With the Wind

Funniest Sketch Comedy bit ever. Part I.

“The Toast is Clear”

I woke up at six o’clock this morning.

SIX. O. CLOCK.

Madness. Pure madness.

Birds and Bugs

I blame the birds. In life it is often expedient to blame the nearest semi-intelligent form of life for anything that might be going wrong. If things are going right, well then, one must blame oneself. To allow credit to go unclaimed is, in all situations, a disaster.

 

What was I saying?

 

Oh yes. The birds.

 

If the birds had not been swinging from such low branches, and if their song had been slightly less delightful and if my little brother did not have a cat-like mentality, we probably would have made it to the wedding. We were supposed to be at the wedding. It was a very important one. It isn’t every day that your neighborhood butcher marries her high school sweetheart.

 

They really are a lovely couple. She can butterfly a steak like no-one I’ve ever seen and he has a charming painting school for overly-tall sons of chimney sweeps. You can imagine that she had lots of business, while he has only ever had two students; both from the same family.  (Not surprising since there are only three chimney sweeps in town, two of whom are bachelors and all of whom are undersized.)

 

We were on the way to the car when The Great Distraction began. Our road is overhung with very old trees. In the trees are scads of little bugs. Trying to find the bugs are, at any given time, three hundred odd birds. My little brother loves the bugs more than anything else. I like the birds. The fights that ensue over “The Right of Every Bug to Live” vs “The Right of Every Bird to a Decent Meal” are epic. Today was no different.

 

So there we stood in the middle of the driveway, hands full of wedding presents, hurling insults and reverse logic back and forth at one another. We got our best shoes dusty from stamping in the dirt. My hair got mussed by the birds who swung down to give encouragement in the form of pecks and scratches.

 

 Come to think of it, they may have just been looking for bugs.

 

Anyway, we missed the wedding and became thoroughly dirty. And I blame the birds.

Technobabble and Sandwiches

Task of the Day- Getting a Job

Today we will discuss the exact formula for obtaining employment and then actually doing the job.

Step 1- Sit on your couch late at night watching something on the travel channel. Update your facebook account and write a somewhat whiny note to a religious leader about your dream job that you’ve never actually done. Have your cell phone nearby.

Friendship

I love people.

I find it easier to love people who love me back, but I really do just love people.

And how great are friends?! Friends are people who are a) not related to you and therefore not forced to pretend to like you, b) similar enough to yourself to be comfy c) different enough from you to challenge you.

Sometimes family CAN be friends, but it doesn’t always happen. I am totally blessed to have a sister and brother-in-law who are two of my best friends. My sis is great for a snuggle and to read books with for hours on end. She likes the movies I like and agrees that pajamas are the ideal wardrobe for any occasion. My brother-in-law staunchly believes that it is his life task to make up for the fact that I don’t have a biological brother. He is therefore a great deal of fun on outings, likes to ‘do and DO things’, and pokes me at every opportunity. He also thinks it’s funny to gang up on my sister in verbal sparring matches. Having someone else in my corner is always good.

Jared is Not Alone

This is my [non-edited, shockingly frightening hair, ugly background] video reply to Jared’s show.

It’s a collection of ideas of things he can do if “the world deserts him and no-one watches the show”. It was done in about 5 minutes with my digital camera. The end result…? I want a proper video camera and a hair and makeup lady.

 

You will find Jared’s video linked below. He has editing and fancy music, but I’ve got LOTR memorabilia and bright red shoes!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JR4gg8X0744

Babysitting Soup

Have any of you ever heaved a ham bone complete with bits of flesh and fat out of a pan of ham-stock and onto a cutting board? Have you then had to decide at what place to attack said hambone so you could remove all neccesary meat? Have you been confused by the bone of the oinker, thinking that it looked like a tonka toy? Have you been put-off by the boiled-flesh smell of hot ham?

Yeah. Me neither.

Today’s ‘Task of the Day’ is making ham soup.

Blogging

Blogging is an enormous responsibility. At least, it becomes one in the brain of the person who has made the dubious decision to write for their [hypothetical] audience.

It doesn’t matter if anyone actually reads it. The idea that someone may be sitting at their computer, frustrated because you haven’t posted anything in days is very upsetting. It’s a compulsion to entertain that is simultaneously inspiring and depressing.

Weekly Update

It’s been a really good week this week. The weather in the Emerald Isle has been unseasonally cold. Five days out of seven we’ve had clouds, a high of 65 and a bit of breeze. Now, even if we do get 9 months of rain per year, the other three months are sunny and pleasant. I can imagine that most of the local population has therefore endured rather than enjoyed this week.

I’m one of the rare few who strongly dislikes high temperatures and would much rather keep my flannel sheets on year-round. Maybe I should move to Scotland or something…